Andy's Birthday Wish That I Can't Make Come True

Tonight at dinner, as Andy and I were talking about his birthday, he said he had 3 wishes. Two of them were typical "kid" wishes. But the 3rd one wasn't. In fact, it was so laden with adulthood, it broke my heart to hear it. And then my heart nearly broke again when I knew I could never make this wish come true. He said, "Mommy, my other wish is that life would be fair." Why is a 6 yr old wishing for something like this? Obviously, I didn't inform Andy that life will never be fair. But what I did tell him was that he could take his wish and pray it to Jesus. Andy said, "But He won't give me what I want." (how many times do we, as adults, say things similar?) But over the course of our little conversation, I was able to teach my boy (and remind myself) that Jesus will hear all of our wishes, He will reply & His answer will be what He knows is our best...even on our birthday.

So What Happens the Day AFTER You Go Crazy?

Last week, I posted about the day I was declared crazy & locked up for it. A defining moment in my life, as a pastor's wife. But I got to thinking about the day after. I mean, for any of us who have been locked up (in jail, psych wards, or rehab) what do we do the day after? I remember the day after. Raul came to the psych ward, they returned my belongings, and we went to Burger King. But then what? Where do you go from nowhere? How do you take the next step? Or more importantly, is it even possible? Yes, the day after is tough. But what I had going for me, was I (with God) was tougher. Inside of me was a fighter girl who had risen up. So I went crazy & spent the night in a psych ward...did it mean life was over? No! Because here I was, the day after, alive & breathing. As long as we have breath, we CAN make a comeback. We CAN tap into an appetite inside of us, waiting to be fed with victory. We CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. Each day after the "psych ward day" was tough. But, God & I were tougher. And we weren't gonna take this lying down. And neither do you.

Are You Positive or Negative?

For me, being positive is work because it doesn't come natural. So a couple years ago, I started reading books & bible verses about it. The other thing I did was when a twinge of negativity went off in my head, I refuted it with prayer. Prayer does two things: gets my mind off the negative & gets God involved. Lastly, I put myself around happy people. Happy people have positive-abundance---their positivity fills them AND spills over. Putting myself near them means I can mop up & absorb their excess. I'm blessed to be married to a positive person--so I'm trying to mop up & absorb Raul's positivity as much as I can. How 'bout you? If you're positive, boy, can God really use you around negative peeps like me! And if you're negative, I hope these tips help you think happy thoughts. :)

Can a Pastor's Wife Really Go Crazy? Yep.

This week, I had the privilege of being one of the speakers for an online women's conference called "JustONE." After prayer & thought, I shared what happened to me in 2000, when I was found in a Walgreens parking lot, going crazy. That day, my intentions were to drink myself painless so that I could end my life. God interrupted that plan. Over the years, I've candidly shared about that experience, what caused it & what came from it. Today, just wanna say that anyone can go crazy. I mean, gheesh, that morning, I woke up the "normal" wife of a deacon pastor. By that night, I was tranquilized & locked up in a tightly secured psychiatric ward. But true to God's word (Romans 8:28) that experience birthed good things. First that I never want to lose a desperation for Jesus--cause sometimes--Jesus is all you have. Second that with CHRISTIAN counseling + medication + an unwavering decision to heal, I was restored. Over the last 12 years (though I've had to fight other demons--& who doesn't?) I have not gone back to crazy. God's good. I give Him all the credit! If you are reading this & you are going through anything like this, I am sending a big hug to you through the computer. If I can pray for you, I'd be honored. Just shoot me an email at leadhership@gmail.com.

Who Cheers You On?

You can probably think of someone who criticizes, nags or discredits you. But who cheers for you? Who brags about you to others when you are NOT there? Who texts you that you're awesome? Who can't wait to tell you how good you did? When I saw this pic of my boys, I was reminded of how Andy cheered his brother on as he bobbed for apples. And how excited he was when DJ finally got one. Wherever you're "bobbing," I hope someone is cheering for you! If not, I'll cheer for you! I'd be honored. And way more importantly...God will. If Earth is silent, rest assured, Heaven is cheering. God is so crazy about you. He sees every amazing thing you do. He's standing with ovation, applauding you from His throne. He IS your greatest fan and He will lift you up.

When What You Had Control Over Begins to Lose Control

Ever have control over something? Your weight? You know, all your life you've been able to kinda eat what you want & maintain your weight? And then, BAM, outta nowhere, you lose control of that? Or, your finances? The budget was balancing, & BAM, outta nowhere, there's more money going out than coming in? Or ever take a relationship for granted? Like, kinda put the relationship in "cruise-control" cause everything was fine? And BAM, that relationship is hanging in grave danger? There's something I've had control over & lately, it seems I don't. AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT! But now that I am in the middle of it, I am praying, fervently! Over and over and over and over and over. Praying first thing in the morn, praying through the day. Even waking to pray in the middle of the night. I don't believe in annoying God with my deepest burdens. We can't wear out an Almighty God. So 'til this battle-o-control ends, what won't end is praying to the One who is IN control.

I Want to be a Good Sound (Others Want to Hear)

In the mornings, when I go running, I hear different sounds around me: birds, breezes, water, & sometimes, silence. I've thought how natural all these sounds are. They aren't forced or supernatural. They aren't sounds that want to be heard or noticed. And I'm reminded that my sounds should be like that too. The bible says, "If I could speak all the languages of earth & of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." If you (like me) have the tendency to be a noise that just clangs a lot, let's pray (yep, right now, from wherever you are) that God help us flow into His orchestra. That we would be a sound that the world around us wants to hear. And that we would be music to God's ears.

Andy's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

Today, Andy was unusually whiny. It was like he had Man-PMS! I practiced patience as best as I could, but then let Raul take over when he got home (probably a parenting no-no, but that's another post). It was dinnertime, so Raul & DJ went outside to start the grill. Andy sat in the living room & continued whining. As I set the table, I kicked in the patience again. Then all of a sudden, Andy started crying hard. It was like he let a shaken soda-bottle inside him burst open. Through his tears, he explained that it had been a bad day. In his words, "Mommy, like 9 bad things happened to me, today!" Poor guy! We all have bad days. Sometimes, like Andy, its 9 things. Sometimes, less. Sometimes, more. But what I learned was that if we are patient & attentive with the ones we love, eventually, they'll feel free to let shaken soda-bottles burst open. As well they should. I shudder to think that Andy could have carried this around inside of him, perhaps forever. I'm glad I could be there for him. That's what family's for.

A Bible Verse & an Offer for You

Two years ago, during a difficult time, I came across this bible verse in The Message bible:

I can see your pain & poverty...Fear nothing in the things you're about to suffer...
Don't quit, even if it costs you your life.
Stay there believing. I have a Life-Crown sized & ready for you.

I can't tell you how much this meant to me. At just the right time, it was a much-needed ointment to a wide-open wound. Sometimes, the words of God on the pages of His book prove to be especially amazing. We open those pages & its just like Him to make sure we see a certain verse at a certain time. Today, if you're hurting, I hope you're opening the pages of His book & giving Him a chance to be read. If you would like a list of bible verses I turn to during difficult times, please email me at leadhership@gmail.com, I'd be honored to send them your way.

The 2nd Proudest Moment ...

When DJ was 7, he came to us & said he wanted to be baptized. As a family (based on the bible) we believe this is the 2nd cool step a Christian person gets to take. First, you ask Jesus into your heart. Second, you make that public by getting dunked. So when DJ was ready to do this, it was my 2nd proudest moment as his mom (2nd to him asking Jesus into his heart). We aren't pushing Andy on this. He'll be 7 in two weeks, but we believe that when he's ready, he'll let us know. Here are a few pix of DJs baptism. Two years later, these pix of Raul getting to baptize him still make my eyes water up!